A Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Mechanical Keyboards

With apologies to James Iry.

• 1450 – Johannes Gutenberg invents the movable type printing press. Gamers are not impressed with the lack of SOCD cleaning or Rapid Trigger
• 1865 – Rasmus Malling-Hansen invents the Hansen Writing Ball, the worlds first tented keyboard. Carpal tunnel in typists is solved forever.
• 1868 – Christopher Latham Sholes invents the typewriter and the QWERTY layout. QWERTY is deliberately designed to slow down typists to prevent mechanical jams, making it the first example of artificial performance throttling. Modern software developers will later adopt this principle as a core design philosophy.
• 1878 – Remington releases the Remington No. 2, the first typewriter with both upper and lower case letters. Touch typists are disappointed by the lack of homing bars.
• 1961 – IBM develops the Selectric typewriter with its revolutionary “golf ball” typing element. The golf ball weighs less than traditional typebars but makes up for it by requiring an engineering degree to change fonts. Early adopters complain about the lack of Cherry MX compatibility.
• 1978 – IBM releases the Model F keyboard with buckling spring switches. The switches are so loud they can be heard from orbit. NASA briefly considers using them for morse code communication with satellites.
• 1985 – IBM introduces the Model M keyboard. Weighing 5.5 pounds, it becomes the preferred weapon of choice for IT departments worldwide. The keyboard is so durable that specimens from 1985 are still being used to beat sense into Windows 95.
• 1987 – Cherry Corporation invents the MX switch family. Keeping in mind the target demographic, the switches are color-coded – one switch, two switch, red switch blue switch. Keyboard enthusiasts immediately begin religious wars over which color represents the one true switch.
• 1994 – Microsoft releases the Natural Keyboard with its ergonomic split design. Carpal tunnel in typists is solved forever. Geekhack users call Microsoft out for plagiarizing the natural angles of human arms.
• 1998 – Manufacturers discover they can make keyboards for $2 that feel like typing on dead fish. Mechanical keyboard enthusiasts go underground, forming secret societies to preserve their Model Ms.
• 2005 – Gaming peripheral companies realize gamers will pay premium prices for anything labeled “gaming.” Showing remarkable progressiveness, the keyboards can display all the colours of the rainbow flag.
• 2010 – Keycap artisans emerge, creating custom keycaps that cost more per key than entire keyboards. The first $50 Escape key is sold. Keyboard enthusiasts begin mortgaging their homes to afford complete artisan sets.
• 2010 – Razer releases the BlackWidow, the first mainstream gaming mechanical keyboard. Gamers everywhere suddenly discover they’ve been handicapped by membrane keyboards their entire lives. Parents everywhere discover that their children have become 40% louder.
• 2012 – The Ergodox is released. The keyboard is split allowing users to place it for natural ergonomic design. Carpal tunnel in typists is solved forever.
• 2014 – The 60% keyboard trend begins as enthusiasts decide they don’t actually need function keys, arrow keys, or a numpad. The movement is led by programmers who have Stockholm syndrome from using Vim.
• 2015 – Group buys become the primary method of keyboard distribution. Customers pay hundreds of dollars for keyboards that might exist someday. Some keyboards ordered in 2015 are still in production.
• 2016 – The QMK firmware is released, giving users infinite customization. Enthusiasts spend 40 hours programming 12 layers they’ll never use instead of reaching for the mouse. The movement is led by programmers who have Stockholm syndrome from using Vim.
• 2018 – Holy Panda switches are discovered when someone accidentally combines two different switches. This process is called frankenswitching, reflecting that the user was the real monster all along.
• 2019 – The VIA configurator is released, making it acceptable for local hardware to require web based software to configure. Changing RGB now uses more compute than the Apollo command module.
• 2019 – Gasket mount keyboards are invented, leading to heated debates about typing feel that sound like wine tasting notes. Normal people begin avoiding keyboard enthusiasts at parties.
• 2020 – Split keyboards with fewer than 36 keys emerge. The movement is led by programmers who have Stockholm syndrome from using Vim.
• 2020 – The pandemic forces everyone to work from home. Mechanical keyboard sales explode as people discover their laptop keyboards are garbage. Zoom meetings worldwide become 30% louder and infinitely more annoying.
• 2020 – Locked in their homes, but without their newly purchased keyboards in hand, people increasingly watch influencers build keyboards, and realise that their endgame is just one more group buy away.
• 2021 – Locked in their homes, but without their 2020 purchased keyboards in hand, people increasingly watch influencers build keyboards, and realise that their endgame is just one more group buy away.
• 2021 – Lubricant companies narrowly avoid bankruptcy as keyboard enthusiasts start buying buckets full of lubricant.
• 2022 – Enthusiasts begin stuffing every cavity of their keyboards with as much foam as possible. The goal is to make mechanical keyboards sound as un-mechanical as possible.
• 2023 – “Thock” becomes a measurable acoustic property. Vendors pretend to understand what users mean when they request “Mostly thocky with touch of clack.”
• 2024 – A freak CRISPR accident crosses maid cafes with keyboard switch factories. Keyboard enthusiasts now argue about Marshmallows, Matcha Latte, and Caramel Coffee. Switches are now measured by how creamy they are.
• 2024 – Keyboards achieve quantum superposition between “disappointing” and “incredible value”. The wave function collapses when a company sponsors an influencer.
• 2025 – Learning from their history, but being mindful of 2025’s economy, every Chinese factory releases it’s own “budget king”. 17 lay claim to the throne. Unlike the warring states period however, this battle is fought in the comments section.